I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
