i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Everything about him screamed your future.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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