I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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