i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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