I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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