what day is it and did you see me today?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
