i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
