Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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