Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
