We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
