NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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