apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
