even my farts smell like vagina
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
