There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
