Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize