What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
