"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
