do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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