Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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