It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
