I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
