Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
