i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
