My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
