I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
be right there i have to get my cape
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
