NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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