i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
