Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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