Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
