Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
