so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have fence marks all over my body
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
