After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
