dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
