I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
