i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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