There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
