i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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