You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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