am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
