hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry my hands just texted you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
