Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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