I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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