My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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