I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
