i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize