I can text with my tongue
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
