Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
