I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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