I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize