You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
