I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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