I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
