you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
