we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
