Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
