And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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