omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
