If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize