I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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