We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
