how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
