We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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