I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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