how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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