just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
