Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
