maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
