Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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