i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
tell me about the eggs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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