I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize