Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
