i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
