just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
