Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
