Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
