Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
