Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
