alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize