it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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