I think my fart just growled at me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
