I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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