Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
