It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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