I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
