Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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