I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
