I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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