Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I party with great urgency now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
