If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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