so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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