playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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