Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize