I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
